Clearing The Air

Image via Pinterest

I'm a planner. I like things in order. I like to know where we are at.

 I like a game plan. When we received Rhys' SA 

results a month ago, I made a choice that I was going

 to allow Rhys time to process and work through his 

diagnosis and only then would we discuss next steps together. 

Well a month has gone by and I finally told him that

 I needed him to suck it up for an hour so that

 we can talk about this and what it means for our future. 

There were quite a few tears, but overall I it was a talk

 that needed to happen. I've been feeling quite

 stuck in limbo but more importantly, I've felt really lonely. 

There will be more posts about this

 {I've written about four in the last few weeks and haven't published them},

 While Rhys was off "processing" I've kind of 

been left to sort through this on my own and it's

 been really difficult. Well we were finally able to get it 

all open today and it felt good to clear the air.  

We have a game plan people. 

Honestly, it was the same game plan we had all along, which

 is wait and see what the fertility clinic says.... but it still felt like

 we took a little control back. Basically we decided that 

IVF is a one shot deal. Perhaps we will change our 

minds once we go down the rabbit hole but at this

 point I'm not prepared to commit to that. I'm hardly able to 

commit to one round to be honest. Rhys' heart isn't open to 

adoption yet, and I need to support that, as hard as it is.

 I know {and he's said} that he isn't against adoption

 but he also isn't quite sure and that is 

enough for him to say no for now. I get it. 

We also decided that we need to stop making 

decisions based on having children. For the last four 

years we have always made life choices based on pregnancy,

 mat leave, and having kids. We are stopping that right now.

 We are moving forward by making decisions that

 will make us happy if it ends up just being the two of us. 

Obviously we will be in this house for quite some time now, 

but had we lived on that principle to begin with, we 

wouldn't be paying a $3000 a month mortgage for a 

"family" home. I also would probably be close to being done

 my degree. We most likely wouldn't live in suburbia. 

We would have taken lots more holidays. 

I feel confident with the plan we've made. I'm glad we 

talked about it. Now Rhys can go back

 to being an emotional recluse. Ha!