Sunday 8 May 2016

Mother's Day 2016

I wish more than anything that I was also a Mother
 this year, but the reality is that I am not. I've been
 on the fence about whether Mother's
 Day this year would have a
 negative toll on my mind and spirit but 
luckily that hasn't been the case.
Today, I chose to venture off my infertility social
 media and focus instead on who I am celebrating this year.

 I am celebrating my own mother. 
The one who lifts me up to this day. 
Who listens with compassion on my sad days, 
and who shares in my laughter and joy on the good days. 
I choose to celebrate the way that I was brought into this 
world by a remarkable line of women. 

I also choose to celebrate my husbands Mother.
 I don't know what I would do without him by my side. 
The last couple of years have been hard, but he has been there
 to curl up to me when I'm crying myself to 
sleep, Who is there when nobody in there right
 mind would want to be near me. He is here
 because she brought him to me. 

I celebrate my sister, who raises four 
wild children, all with their own thoughts and 
values. They are loved, cherished, clothed, and happy. 

I celebrate my dearest friends who raise their little ones. 
Through tears and sleepless nights, they have such
 pride in their voices and eyes as milestones are achieved. 

I'm so lucky to have Mother's all around me. I know 
the battle to become a mother sometimes gets the 
best of me. I've seen countless posts over the last week
 about the sorrow and also the bitterness about being forgotten 
on Mother's Day. I feel blessed that I don't have
 those feelings today. 

As much as I would like to claim it, I am not a Mother.
 I don't feel like a mother. I don't own that badge, quite yet.
 Hopefully soon, but not yet. 
So today, I choose to feel blessed, grateful, and proud to know 
that when Motherhood happens for me, 
I will join the ranks of all these Mothers that I celebrate. 

image via Pinterest

Thursday 5 May 2016

Update



I decided last week that I needed to post a
 "Non update, update" because there was 
nothing new to report but I just wanted to let 
everyone know that I was still kicking around, just not in the
 infertility world. Sometimes you just need a break. 
I NEEDED a break. With as much love
 and support that the infertility world offers, it also 
can be really overwhelming to see people moving forward 
with their plans while we sat back and
 literally had to relinquish all control.

My OB/GYN sent in the referral to the RFP at 
the end of January and I knew that we would 
have at least a 3 month wait before we got an appointment. 
The relief of taking a break quickly vanished into anxiety
 about not knowing what would happen next.
 Patience is not my strong suit and the
 not knowing ANYTHING was awful.

On Tuesday May 3rd @ 11am I got the 
call we've been waiting for. We have some 
paperwork, a repeat SA, and 7 weeks to wait, 
BUT we finally have an appointment. 
When I first got off the phone, I was feeling
 really anxious. My heart was racing, I had a bit 
of a cold sweat, but I quickly realized that it 
wasn't anxiety, it was excitement. The relief of actually 
having a date is indescribable. 5 months to the day that our 
referral was sent in, we will meet 
our doctors and get some answers.