Sunday, 8 May 2016

Mother's Day 2016

I wish more than anything that I was also a Mother
 this year, but the reality is that I am not. I've been
 on the fence about whether Mother's
 Day this year would have a
 negative toll on my mind and spirit but 
luckily that hasn't been the case.
Today, I chose to venture off my infertility social
 media and focus instead on who I am celebrating this year.

 I am celebrating my own mother. 
The one who lifts me up to this day. 
Who listens with compassion on my sad days, 
and who shares in my laughter and joy on the good days. 
I choose to celebrate the way that I was brought into this 
world by a remarkable line of women. 

I also choose to celebrate my husbands Mother.
 I don't know what I would do without him by my side. 
The last couple of years have been hard, but he has been there
 to curl up to me when I'm crying myself to 
sleep, Who is there when nobody in there right
 mind would want to be near me. He is here
 because she brought him to me. 

I celebrate my sister, who raises four 
wild children, all with their own thoughts and 
values. They are loved, cherished, clothed, and happy. 

I celebrate my dearest friends who raise their little ones. 
Through tears and sleepless nights, they have such
 pride in their voices and eyes as milestones are achieved. 

I'm so lucky to have Mother's all around me. I know 
the battle to become a mother sometimes gets the 
best of me. I've seen countless posts over the last week
 about the sorrow and also the bitterness about being forgotten 
on Mother's Day. I feel blessed that I don't have
 those feelings today. 

As much as I would like to claim it, I am not a Mother.
 I don't feel like a mother. I don't own that badge, quite yet.
 Hopefully soon, but not yet. 
So today, I choose to feel blessed, grateful, and proud to know 
that when Motherhood happens for me, 
I will join the ranks of all these Mothers that I celebrate. 

image via Pinterest

Thursday, 5 May 2016


I decided last week that I needed to post a
 "Non update, update" because there was 
nothing new to report but I just wanted to let 
everyone know that I was still kicking around, just not in the
 infertility world. Sometimes you just need a break. 
I NEEDED a break. With as much love
 and support that the infertility world offers, it also 
can be really overwhelming to see people moving forward 
with their plans while we sat back and
 literally had to relinquish all control.

My OB/GYN sent in the referral to the RFP at 
the end of January and I knew that we would 
have at least a 3 month wait before we got an appointment. 
The relief of taking a break quickly vanished into anxiety
 about not knowing what would happen next.
 Patience is not my strong suit and the
 not knowing ANYTHING was awful.

On Tuesday May 3rd @ 11am I got the 
call we've been waiting for. We have some 
paperwork, a repeat SA, and 7 weeks to wait, 
BUT we finally have an appointment. 
When I first got off the phone, I was feeling
 really anxious. My heart was racing, I had a bit 
of a cold sweat, but I quickly realized that it 
wasn't anxiety, it was excitement. The relief of actually 
having a date is indescribable. 5 months to the day that our 
referral was sent in, we will meet 
our doctors and get some answers. 

Tuesday, 22 March 2016

Anxiety Flare

Via Pinterest

My anxiety disorder has decided to put up a
 bit of a stink the last few weeks. I've been ignoring 
it and letting it kind of creep around for 
quite some time but it finally made it known that 
I can no longer avoid it. It is exhausting knowing that this 
will be a lifelong struggle for me, like many others. 
You do the things you need to do, 
feel better, slack a little, and then feel back to square
 one. I should have recognized some of the signs
 and symptoms sooner... well actually I 
did recognize them but chose to ignore
 and do nothing about it. I'm not sure why I do this to 
myself. I haven't been leaving the house again. Not to
 walk the dogs. Definitely not to get groceries.
 We've been having take out and that only
 leads to further isolation and disappointment with myself. 
I know what I need to do. Luckily I have an
 appointment with my head doctor in 10ish days.
 In the meantime I need to bust out my workbook 
and put some effort into calming this beast. 

For anybody who also suffers from mood disorder 
I HIGHLY recommend ordering this workbook
It is one that my Doctor has started using as her 
template for all her patients. 

Sunday, 20 March 2016

Love Day Exchange Take Two

I signed up for a couple valentines exchanges through 
my Instagram account. One of them arrived 
on time and the lady loved it... The other never
 arrived at all! Ugh. I waited a few weeks thinking that
 maybe it would turn up either at her 
address or at mine, but no go. Completely lost.
 Sooooo.... I went out and purchased a 
second gift. I honestly like it more than 
the first one anyways. Valentine's has never
 really been my thing, Easter on 
the other hand is right up my alley. I love
 all things pastel and "eggie". Here's what I 
found for this sweet woman who has 
shown me and many others so much support.

Egg Truffles- Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory

Saturday, 19 March 2016

Fave Finds

Since I've basically spent my entire week off shopping,
 I thought I would share some of my fave finds for the week!...

This mug from Anthropologie. It is soooooo
 cute. I'm a dog person myself but I hope
 my sister will love it when she gets it in the mail next week.

I also bought some of this bronzer. 
It is one that I've seen on everyones fave
 lists so I figured I should jump on the bandwagon, right?!?!?

I always have fresh flowers in the house, and this 
week I found the most beautiful peach bouquet from the 
grocery store of all places. 
SO much love for all things peach right now.

Speaking of peach, this nail polish is amazing. Love love love.