First Exposure

I needed to go to the fertility clinic here in Calgary, to
pick up a supplement for Rhys. I had never been to the
Regional Fertility Program, and boy was I nervous.
I don't know what came over me but as I sat in the car,
I had do a few breathing excersises. I all of a sudden felt
short of breath and all clammy, heart pounding. It
didn't help that my car started acting funny while
I pulled into the parkade.
When the clinic finally opened at 07:30, I headed in
to find the pharmacy and I wasn't expecting that it was actually
just a little window in the fertility clinic waiting room.
The pharmacy didn't open until 07:45 so I had to have a seat in the
waiting room. I can't belive how fricken busy that place is.

I was floored. It was insane. I grabbed a chair

and sat there people watching, as people were called

number by number.  This overwhelming sense of loss came over me

. All these families, all these women, are going 

through the exact same thing I am.

I know that they, just like I, have laid on their bathroom floor

and cried over why my body has failed me, and why I've

failed my body. I know that they've purchased

hundreds of dollars in pregnancy tests, that all show up with one 

single line. I know that they've put on brave faces 

while they felt like they were suffocating

as you listen to hours of your friends talk about their babies. I know

what it's like to be on the receiving end of complaining texts

of friends talking about their babies and feel guilty for feeling sorry for yourself.

 There is a sisterhood in infertility.

P.S I totally saw one of the Radiologists I work with as I was leaving,

and I totally hid behind a door.